Sure hope you're having a ball!
Coven No-Nos
20 Ways Not to Get Invited Back to a Circle:
1. Take the ritual sword from the alter and make sounds like Darth Vader...
"Luke, I am your father!"...and start making light saber noises.
2. Start skat-singing when chanting.
3. Take the ritual athame from the alter and start cleaning your nails
with it.
4. When taking a sip of the ritual wine, act like a wine snob and
comment on it.
5. When doing the spiral dance, make a conga line.
6. Call down the Goddess with "Get your ass down here, Big Momma!".
7. Call down the God with "Our father,who art in heaven..."
8. When chanting the names of the Goddess, randomly include Pokemon
names.
9. When being smudged, complain about second-hand smoke.
10. In a drumming circle, laugh insanely and start drumming the beat
to "Wipe Out".
11. When in a skyclad circle, randomly point and laugh.
12. When the ritual wine goblet is passed to you, chug it and ask for
more.
13. Invoke Santa.
14. Take out a bible and start evangelizing.
15. Light up a cigar.
16. Bring a cute furry creature and offer it as a blood sacrifice.
17. Talk a lot about casting spells for revenge against people who
have offended you.
18. At a handfasting say "Thank God! Maybe now I'll get some
grandchildren!"
19. When in circle, answer your cell phone.
20. Respond to "So Mote it Be!" with "Damn Straight Baby!"
Pagan in the Military
You Might be a Pagan in the Military if:
you use a flame-thrower to light the altar candle.
your athame has a bayonet attachment to fit on your M-16.
your robe is made of camouflage material.
your cakes and wine come from MREs.
your book of shadows contains plans on defusing bombs,
poison antidotes, and basic survival techniques.
your circle is marked with barbed wire.
you have to ride an ATV or HumVee to get to Convenstead.
you use an artillery shell casing for your god symbol.
you take down a tent to move the Covenstead.
your familiar is either a Doberman, Rotweiller, or German Shepherd.
you use a hubcap for a scrying dish.
you use tear gas to smudge when doing banishings.
your goddess symbol is Tank Girl.
1st degree training includes Ninjitsu or other forms of martial arts.
your circle name is Spike, Slash, Ripcord, Hawkeye,
Bubba, or anything that ends with “ster.”
you use machined gun fire to cast your circle.
instead of using an acorn or pine cone, you use a hand grenade for
a god symbol (if there isn’t an artillery shell available).
you use a compass for a divination tool.
you use a bullet on a string as a pendulum.
you call your High Priest “Commander,” and your High Priestess “General.”
instead of, “So mote it be,” you say, “Ma’am! Yes, Ma’am!”
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